You want to know where I landed? No where near Chelsea Kiessling. I actually woke up this morning thinking about work. When my split second thought of work was done I thought about my kids. The baby in particular, and how she needed her last dose of antibiotics. I then thought about what I would dress the kids in today because it was a chilly morning but was supposed to warm up later. The next thing I thought of was to check if I had gotten a reply to my work email that I had sent out the day before. After that, I thought about what time the Home Depot Kids Workshop started and if I should get in the shower.....
Does this make me a horrid person? The fact that 13 or more other thoughts floated through my brain before I came to the conclusion that today marked six years since the worst day of our family's lives?
I can't even explain the feeling that today brought. More like a mixture of guilt and relief, knowing that I didn't wake up with the pain of the memory of the night that you died on my mind but that I didn't think of that night at all.
I then went to Twitter. Your last tweet was a complaint about being bored and having nothing to do. The tweet before that was about Fish McBites....(nothing more to say here). I just thought it was interesting that the last thought on you mind the night you died was how little there was to do....whereas my life, right now, is quite the opposite...and I feel guilty for it.
I read all of the posts to you today about how you're missed and continue to be remembered and what not. One thing in particular stood out to me from people's posts. It's your laugh. People LOVED your laugh. I've heard described so many ways but contagious and sincere were two descriptions that continue to come up.
It's been a really difficult day for me because I just can't seem to feel anything. Not sad, glad, mad, or anything in between and I really think it is because my life has me completely distracted at this point. I know sitting through the dinner and Summer's concert last week got to me so I am not sure if that just took everything I had out of me or what...
So on this day, the 6th year anniversary of the worst day ever, I decided to pull your best Tweets, just so we can laugh with you....
It's the little things in life that I realize every time I read your tweets or FB comments that I miss you soooooo much. I wonder often how you would feel about having 5 nieces and how you interact with each of them.
Instead we will live through your tweets...never been so happy about social media.
(I have photos of this)
(showed this to Reagan....she's not surprised)
