Today was a little harder than usual. It was so difficult to talk to anyone at work. I really felt like anything that they said just wasn't important and I just didn't care. Trying to be happy for someone's latest achievement, or a girl that found a new boyfriend, or a someone's latest hobby seems virtually impossible. It isn't like I'm not happy for them but everything seems so tiny and minuscule compared to the life that was lost.
I have been trying to catch up with school work and everything I have turned in has been WAY below my standards, but you already know that. I have an accounting test on Thursday and can't seem to muster enough determination to study.
I did remember some pretty fantastic memories. I was thinking about how you would ask to borrow $20 to go buy my birthday present, or how you were so cheap that you wouldn't go buy a card, instead you would grab a used 'Happy Anniversary' card and mark out 'Anniversary' and any names in it and fill it in with my name. I remembered when Jared, Dan, myself, and you went to eat at Driftaway Cafe in Sandfly and mid bite you dribbled a dollop of mustard on your pants; for the rest of the day Dan kept looking at you and saying "And they called her ol' mustard pants". Jared and I still laugh at that one.
I find the memories coming in waves, here and then gone, leaving only a huge void in their wake.
I actually almost google talked you today wanting to give you the agenda for Easter, for our traditional Easter dinner, then I remembered that I can't.
Your friend Sarah "Faced" me today. She wrote some very nice things and then told me that from this tragedy, her faith has been confirmed. She told me that she knew there had to be a heaven, where else could such a huge personality fit? I thought that you would think it was impressive that you have quite literally brought religion into people's lives.
Love,
Holly
Each day brings fresh tears. So far, the many happy memories have not outweighed the huge ache in my heart resulting from Chelsea's loss.
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