It's amazing how tragedy changes you. How one event can change your daily habits and you are constantly noticing things that you were completely blind to before the tragedy occurred.
I was reading the newspaper this morning and for whatever reason, flipped straight to the obituaries (for which you would have said I was being morbid). I noticed that there was a 17 year old boy that died this week in a car accident when he was ejected from his jeep. I thought about his mom and dad and wondered if they were experiencing the same flood of emotions fueled by the same desire to find the answer as to why this happened as your own parents did just two short weeks ago. I read that he had 3 brothers and 2 sisters and wondered if they felt the same emptiness that we feel for you. It brought back a lot of the terrible feelings that I have been trying to oppress.
Then I started thinking: Is this how it will always be? Every time I pick up a newspaper, will I flip to the obituaries and notice the ages of the people who have tragically lost their lives? Will I have this overwhelming desire to read the tiny paragraph that their sobbing parents had to come up with while planning their child's funeral? Will I always sit there and wonder how they were ever able to sum up their child's life in a 4x4 square on page 7A? I then figured it was (a harsh but necessary comparison) much like when someone you knows buys a new car and for weeks after you first set your eyes on it you start noticing all of the cars on the road that look like that car. That is just human nature, right?
I guess that it won't stop with the weekly obituaries because I noticed that everything sets off a new wave of thoughts and memories.
It started raining on my way to school today and I was reminded of the time when we were driving somewhere and it had started to rain. You were quietly sitting there and then out of nowhere you turned and asked me where butterflies went when it rained. I laughed so hard and asked you how or why you were even thinking about that. In true Chelsea fashion you smiled and said, "So, do you know, think about it, where do they go when it rains?" Your determination to find out was silly and insignificant to me at the time, not to mention the fact, that I really had no idea. But today after class I so badly wanted to get home so that I could find the answer.
So here it is, a few years too late, but a valiant effort to say the least. According to kidsbutterfly.org (because if there was anything I have learned in my 100 years in college, it is to never trust a .com site),
"Butterflies hide when it rains. They usually go to the same places they do for the night. Some butterflies hide under large leaves, some crawl down into dense leaves or under rocks, and some just sit head down on grass stems or bushes with wings held tightly. If the rains are exceptionally hard or of long duration many of the butterflies become tattered or die."
I wonder if there are butterflies in heaven? Even there are, I'm sure that it doesn't rain.
Love,
Holly
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